The Host Chapter 22: Cracked

Jeb put his hands behind his conduce and looked up at the dark ceiling, his administration thoughtful. His chatty mood had non passed.Ive wondered a lot what its wish well- ri all toldowing caught, you make love. Saw it happen more than once, nonplus close up a few terms myself. What would it be wish well, I wondered. Would it hurt, having or sothing put in your head? Ive seen it do, you have sex.My eyeball widened in surp opening, and he wasnt looking at me.Seems care you tot all(prenominal)y use some kind of anesthetic, alone thats honest a see. Nobody was holler in agony or anything, though, so it couldnt be too torturous.I wrinkled my nose. Torture. No, that was the hu objet darts specialty.Those stories you were telling the kid were echt interesting.I stiffened and he laughed lightly. Yeah, I was listening. Eavesdropping, Ill admit it. Im non sorry-it was great stuff, and you wont express to me the way you do with Jamie. I proceedually got a kick kayo ed of those bats and the plants and spiders. Gives a homophile lots to deem well-nigh. Always wish to sound out crazy, out-t here(prediceat) stuff, science fiction and whatnot. Ate that stuff up. And the kids interchangeable me-hes read all the books Ive got, two, iii times apiece. Must be a palm for him to get some new stories. Sure is for me. Youre a good storyteller.I kept my eye down, only when I felt myself softening, losing my guard a bit. desire anyone inside these emotional bodies, I was a sucker for flattery.E rattlingone here thinks you hunted us out to turn us over to the Seekers.The intelligence operation sent a shock jolting through me. My jaw stiffened and my odontiasis cut my tongue. I tasted blood.What other reason could there be? he went on, oblivious to my reaction or ignoring it. But theyre just trapped in fixed notions, I think. Im the just one with questions I mean, what kind of a plan was that, to wander off into the desert without any way to get back? He chuckled. Wandering-guess thats your specialty, eh, Wanda?He leaned toward me and nudged me with one elbow. Wide with uncertainty, my eyes flickered to the floor, to his face, and back to the floor. He laughed again.That trek was just a few steps startle of a successful suicide, in my opinion. Definitely not a Seekers MO, if you know what I mean. Ive tried to reason it out. Use logic, right? So, if you didnt befool backup, which Ive seen no sign of, and you had no way to get back, accordingly you mustve had a various goal. You havent been real ragative since you got here, cept with the kid just now, but Ive listened to what you have said. strain of seems to me like the reason you al around died out there was cause you were hell-bent on finding that kid and Jared.I closed my eyes. only when why would you fretting? Jeb asked, expecting no answer, just musing. So, this is how I see it either youre a really good actress-like a super-Seeker, some new breed, sneakier than the first-with some kind of a plan I cant figure out, or youre not acting. The first seems like a pretty complicated explanation for your behavior, then and now, and I dont spoil it.But if youre not actingHe pa employ for a moment.Spent a lot of time watching your kind. I was incessantly waiting for them to change, you know, when they didnt have to act like us anymore, because there was no one to act for. I kept on watching and waiting, but they just kept on actin like hu macrocosms. Staying with their bodies families, liberation out for picnics in good weather, plantin f subalterners and paintin pictures and all the rest of it. Ive been wondering if you all arent turning sort of human. If we dont have some real influence, in the end.He waited, giving me a chance to respond. I didnt.Saw something a few years ago that stuck with me. Old man and woman, well, the bodies of an old man and an old woman. Been together so long that the whittle on their fingers grew in ridges around the ir wedding rings. They were holding hands, and he kissed her on her cheek, and she blushed under all those wrinkles. Occurred to me that you have all the same feelings we have, because youre really us, not just hands in a puppet.Yes, I whispered. We have all the same feelings. Human feelings. Hope, and pain, and love.So, if you arent acting well, then Id swear to it that you loved them both. You do. Wanda, not just Mels body.I put my head down on my arms. The question was tantamount to an admission, but I didnt care. I couldnt hold it up anymore.So thats you. But I wonder most my niece, too. What it was like for her, what it would be like for me. When they put somebody inside your head, are you just gone? Erased? Like existence dead? Or is it like being asleep? be you aware of the outside control? Is it aware of you? Are you trapped there, screaming inside?I sat very s work, canvassing to slip away my face smooth.Plainly, your memories and behaviors, all that is left behind. B ut your consciousness Seems like some large number wouldnt go down without a fight. Hell, I know I would prove to beat-never been one to take no for an answer, anyone will tell you that. Im a fighter. exclusively of us who are left are fighters. And, you know, I woulda pegged Mel for a fighter, too.He didnt move his eyes from the ceiling, but I looked at the floor-stared at it, memorizing the patterns in the purple gray dust.Yeah, Ive wondered well-nigh that a lot.I could feel his eyes on me now, though my head was still down. I didnt move, except to come some slowly in and out. It took a great deal of effort to keep that slow rhythm smooth. I had to srampartow the blood was still rate of flow in my let out.Why did we ever think he was crazy? Mel wondered. He sees everything. Hes a genius.Hes both.Well, maybe this means we dont have to keep quiet anymore. He knows. She was hopeful. Shed been very quiet lately, absent to the highest degree half the time. It wasnt as lenient for her to concentrate when she was relatively happy. Shed won her big fight. Shed gotten us here. Her secrets were no longitudinal in jeopardy Jared and Jamie could never be act asrayed by her memories.With the fight taken out of her, it was harder for her to find the will to speak, veritable(a) to me. I could see how the thought of discovery-of having the other humans recognize her existence-invigorated her.Jeb knows, yes. Does that really change anything?She thought about the way the other humans looked at Jeb. Right. She sighed. But I think Jamie well, he doesnt know or guess, but I think he feels the truth.You might be right. I guess well see if that does him or us any good, in the end.Jeb could only manage to keep quiet for a few seconds, and then he was off again, interrupting us. Pretty interesting stuff. not as much bang bang as the movies I used to like. But still pretty interesting. Id like to emphasise more about those spider thingies. Im real curious real curiou s, for sure.I took a thick-skulled breath and raised my head. What do you want to know?He smiled at me warmly, his eyes crinkling into half moons. Three brains, right?I nodded.How many eyes?Twelve-one at each juncture of the leg and the body. We didnt have lids, just a lot of fibers-like steel wool eyelashes-to protect them.He nodded, his eyes bright. Were they furry, like tarantulas?No. Sort of armored-scaled, like a reptile or a fish.I slouched against the wall, settling myself in for a long conversation.Jeb didnt disappoint on that count. I lost track of how many questions he asked me. He valued details-the Spiders looks, their behaviors, and how theyd handled Earth. He didnt flinch away from the invasion details on the contrary, he almost seemed to enjoy that part more than the rest. His questions came fast on the heels of my answers, and his grins were frequent. When he was satisfied about the Spiders, hours later, he wanted to know more about the Flowers.You didnt half expla in that one, he re sagacityed me.So I told him about that most beautiful and placid of planets. Almost every time I halt to let out, he interrupted me with a new question. He liked to guess the answers earlier I could speak and didnt seem to mind getting them reproach in the least(prenominal).So did ya eat flies, like a Venus flytrap? Ill bet you did-or maybe something bigger, like a bird-like a pterodactylNo, we used sunlight for food, like most plants here.Well, thats not as much fun as my idea.sometimes I found myself laughing with him.We were just pitiful on to the Dragons when Jamie showed up with dinner for three.Hi, Wanderer, he said, a half-size embarrassed.Hi, Jamie, I answered, a small shy, not sure if he would regret the closeness wed shared. I was, later on all, the bad guy.But he sat down right close to me, between me and Jeb, crossing his legs and setting the food tray in the middle of our little conclave. I was starving, and parched from all the talking. I to ok a bowl of soup and downed it in a few gulps.Shoulda known you were just being mannerly in the mess hall today. Gotta speak up when youre hungry, Wanda. Im no mind reader.I didnt agree with that last part, but I was too ill-tempered chewing a mouthful of bread to answer.Wanda? Jamie asked. I nodded, letting him know that I didnt mind.Kinda suits her, doncha think? Jeb was so proud of himself, I was move he didnt pat himself on the back, just for effect.Kinda, I guess, Jamie said. Were you guys talking about dragons?Yeah, Jeb told him enthusiastically, but not the lizardy kind. Theyre all made up of jelly. They can fly, though sort of. The airs thicker, sort of jelly, too. So its almost like swimming. And they can breathe acid-thats about as good as fire, wouldnt you say?I let Jeb fill Jamie in on the details while I ate more than my share of food and drained a water bottle. When my mouth was free, Jeb started in with the questions again.Now, this acidJamie didnt ask questions the way Jeb did, and I was more prudent about what I said with him there. However, this time Jeb never asked anything that might manoeuver to a touchy subject, whether by coincidence or design, so my caution wasnt necessary.The light slowly faded until the hallway was black. Then it was silver, a tiny, heavy reflection from the moon that was just enough, as my eyes adjusted, to see the man and the boy beside me.Jamie rimd closer to me as the wickedness wore on. I didnt pass water that I was combing my fingers through his hair as I talked until I noticed Jeb staring at my hand.I folded my arms across my body.Finally, Jeb yawned a huge yawn that had me and Jamie doing the same.You tell a good story, Wanda, Jeb said when we were all done stretching.Its what I did before. I was a teacher, at the university in San Diego. I taught history.A teacher Jeb repeated, excited. Well, aint that amazin? on that points something we could use around here. Mags girl Sharon does the teaching fo r the three kids, but theres a lot she cant help with. Shes most comfortable with mathematics and the like. History, now -I only taught our history, I interrupted. Waiting for him to take a breath wasnt expiration to work, it seemed. I wouldnt be much help as a teacher here. I dont have any training.Your history is amend than nothing. Things we human folks ought to know, seeing as we live in a more populated universe than we were aware of.But I wasnt a real teacher, I told him, desperate. Did he honestly think anyone wanted to hear my percentage, let alone listen to my stories? I was sort of an honorary professor, almost a guest lecturer. They only wanted me because well, because of the story that goes along with my name.Thats the close one I was going to ask for, Jeb said complacently. We can talk about your teaching experience later. Now-why did they call you Wanderer? Ive heard a bunch of odd ones, Dry Water, Fingers in the Sky, Falling Upward-all mixed in, of course, with th e Pams and the Jims. I tell you, its the kind of thing that can drive a man crazy with curiosity.I waited till I was sure he was done to begin. Well, the way it usually works is that a soul will try out a planet or two-twos the average-and then theyll settle in their favorite place. They just move to new hosts in the same species on the same planet when their body gets close to death. Its very disorienting moving from one kind of body to the next. Most souls really hate that. some(a) never move from the planet they are born on. Occasionally, someone has a hard time finding a good fit. They may try three planets. I met a soul once whod been to five before hed settled with the Bats. I liked it there-I suppose thats the closest Ive ever come to choosing a planet. If it hadnt been for the blindnessHow many planets have you lived on? Jamie asked in a hushed voice. Somehow, while Id been talking, his hand had found its way into mine.This is my ninth, I told him, mash his fingers gently.W ow, nine he breathed.Thats why they wanted me to teach. Anybody can tell them our statistics, but I have personal experience from most of the planets weve taken. I hesitated at that word, but it didnt seem to bother Jamie. There are only three Ive never been to-well, now four. They just opened a new world.I expected Jeb to jump in with questions about the new world, or the ones Id skipped, but he just played absently with the ends of his beard.Why did you never retard anywhere? Jamie asked.I never found a place I liked enough to stay.What about Earth? Do you think youll stay here?I wanted to smile at his childs confidence-as if I were going to get the chance to ever move on to another host. As if I were going to get the chance to live out even another month in the one I had.Earth is very interesting, I murmured. Its harder than any place Ive been before.Harder than the place with the frozen air and the child beasts? he asked.In its own way, yes. How could I explain that the Mists Planet only came at you from the outside-it was much more difficult to be attacked from within.Attacked, Melanie scoffed.I yawned. I wasnt actually thinking of you, I told her. I was thinking of these unstable emotions, always betraying me. But you did attack me. Pushing your memories on me that way.I learned my lesson, she advised me dryly. I could feel how intensely aware she was of the hand in mine. There was an emotion slowly building in her that I didnt recognize. Something on the edge of anger, with a hint of desire and a portion of despair.Jealousy, she enlightened me.Jeb yawned again. Im being downright rude, I guess. You must be bushed-walking all over today and then me keepin you up half the night talking. Ought to be a split host. Cmon, Jamie, lets go and let Wanda get some sleep.I was exhausted. It felt as if it had been a very long day, and, from Jebs words, perhaps that wasnt in my imagination.Okay, Uncle Jeb. Jamie jumped lightly to his feet and then offered his han d to the old man.Thanks, kid. Jeb groaned as he got up. And thanks to you, too, he added in my direction. Most interesting conversation Ive had in well, probably forever. Rest your voice up, Wanda, because my curiosity is a powerful thing. Ah, there he is Bout time.Only then did I hear the sound of approaching footsteps. Automatically, I shrank against the wall and scooted farther back into the cave-room, and then felt more exposed because the lunation was brighter inside.I was surprised that this was the first person to turn in for the night the corridor appeared to house many.Sorry, Jeb. I got to talking with Sharon, and then I sort of dozed off.It was impractical not to recognize this easy, gentle voice. My stomach rolled, unstable, and I wished it were empty.We didnt even notice, Doc, Jeb said. We were having the time of our lives here. Someday youll have to get her to tell you some of her stories-great stuff. Not tonight, though. Shes got to be pretty worn out, Id bet. Well s ee you in the morning.The doctor was spreading a mat out in front of the cave entrance, just as Jared had.Keep an eye on this, Jeb said, laying the gun beside the mat.Are you okay, Wanda? Jamie asked. Youre shaking.I hadnt realized it, but my whole body was quivering. I didnt answer him-my throat felt swollen shut.Now, now, Jeb said in a soothing voice. I asked Doc if he minded taking a shift. You dont need to worry about anything. Docs an honorable man.The doctor smiled a sleepy smile. Im not going to hurt you Wanda, is it? I promise. Ill just keep watch while you sleep.I bit my lip, and the quivering didnt stop.Jeb seemed to think everything was settled, though. Night, Wanda. Night, Doc, he said as he started back down the hall.Jamie hesitated, looking at me with a worried expression. Docs okay, he promised in a whisper.Cmon, boy, its lateJamie hurried off after Jeb.I watched the doctor when they were gone, waiting for some change. Docs relaxed expression didnt waver, though, and he didnt touch the gun. He stretched his long frame out on the mat, his calves and feet hanging off the end. guile down, he looked much smaller, he was so rail thin.Good night, he murmured drowsily.Of course I didnt answer. I watched him in the dull moonlight, timing the rise and fall of his chest by the sound of the pulse thudding in my ears. His breathing slowed and got deeper, and then he began to quietly snore.It could have been an act, but even if it was, there wasnt much I could do about it. Silently, I crept deeper into the room, till I felt the edge of the mattress against my back. Id promised myself that I would not disturb this place, but it probably wouldnt hurt anything if I just curled up on the foot of the bed. The floor was rough and so hard.The sound of the doctors soft snore was comforting even if it was put on to calm me, at least I knew exactly where he was in the darkness.Live or die, I figured I might as well go up and sleep. I was dog tired, as Melanie would say. I let my eyes close. The mattress was softer than anything Id moved(p) since coming here. I relaxed, sinking inThere was a low shuffling sound-it was inside the room with me. My eyes popped open, and I could see a shadow between the moonlit ceiling and me. Outside, the doctors snores continued uninterrupted.